Freshman Year: Heart


As crazy as it feels, this is the last week of school. After this week I will be a true college kid who has experienced dorm life, real college exams, and all the Lee freshman things like gateway, sunsets in the mountains, and midnight breakfast at 11pm because of curfew at midnight. I decided to title this post "Heart" because A: it fit with the last two weeks' titles, and B: God is shaping and changing my heart in so many ways. If this were my story, it would be about how some southern boy asked me out and now has my heart. However, I am thankfully not the author of my own story and God has a plan for my life. As I shared last week, my concussion was something that shaped this year and forced me to analyze some things around me. I think that being in a new environment has truly been beneficial for me. When I have been thinking about going home, my main question is: How do I show the people at home the new person Christ has changed me into? I have been reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan again this past week, and I have been so convicted by the chapter about lukewarm Christians. Jesus says that the lukewarm will be spit out of his mouth and I know that I have been lukewarm for so many years. I feel like I am just starting to see all of God's glory and power and I could easily fall back into the classic Christian lifestyle. My hope and prayer is that my life is set apart from the crowd for God's glory and not mine. I hope that I will not longer be lukewarm, but live for Jesus.

Another thing that I have struggled with this year is social media and the blog. Unlike a lot of people, I love Instagram and social media. I also have a passion for this blog, but I've been questioning how I can be glorifying God in such a self-centered atmosphere of social media. Well, a little backstory before we get to the answer. I decided to rush a sorority this last semester and I didn't get in which is something I have not experienced a lot. I come from a really privileged home, and in high school I achieved everything I wanted and tried to get. This was a huge shock and disappointment because I have always pictured myself in a greek club, but in this time of rejection and misunderstanding, God spoke and showed me what his plan was. The week before I found out that I didn't get in, I kept praying "Lord give me the desires of my heart. You know what they are and they are obviously to get into this club, so let me get in." But His answer was much different than what I wanted. It hurts not getting chosen, and honestly sometimes it still bugs me that I wasn't "good enough" but God showed me the desires of my heart and that was this blog. (Also, disclaimer I'm not against sororities now or hate them. In fact, I might rush again! I just obviously was not ready this past year.) For the past year, I have been dreaming of blogging as a career but it was "for when I would have the time to really invest in it and create good content." God revealed that the time for me to start was then. I had the people surrounding me to help me and the support that I needed to get started. And most of all, I have the Holy Spirit helping me write each and every blog. Through the blog, I have seen God in so many ways and our relationship has grown so much deeper. At Bible study earlier this semester, a friend said "God cares about what you care about." Which was something that I had never heard of or thought of before. This has really changed my vision of him. I have a heart for fashion and business, but so often I believe the lie that God has to be separate from school and work. Honestly, telling God what I desire and care about has changed my perspective. This year hasn't been perfect, and I don't want to pretend it was. My goal is to be open and honest with you guys as a way to testify to all the glorious things Jesus is doing. He is definitely changing me which is a miracle ;)

For real I just want to say thank you to each of you for coming back and reading these posts. I am heading home for the month of May and then working at a camp all summer. This next month I have a lot coming up for the blog and I'm super excited to share. I love you guys so much and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me the next few years of school.

XOXO, SJ